Often, we attempt to open to love, to attract it and to entrap it. Many of us are now even learning how to open to our own Soul as we seek inner change for outer change. Why then, does it still take so many of us so long to claim, and even reclaim, our own lives? Imagine, if all the energy spent in attracting a partner, was first channeled into healing and expanding our own life?
If we look within, and begin to take note of all the various roles we have in this life, we begin to recognize a pattern. For most of us, the patterns and expectations are dominant from the outside.
‘Soul Mates’ and ‘Twin Flames’
People often ask me how I feel about ‘Soul Mates’ and ‘Twin Flames’. Honestly, I have gathered more and more of a sense that they are irrelevant if we are living a life conditioned for and by another. How could we even begin to be a good and loving partner for another if our main role in life is to, for example, obey the demands of our mother and help her heal? How could we possibly be a good and loving partner for another, if we have not learned to love and honor our own Soul?
There are so many examples that could be listed here, and these are just two dominant unhealed patterns in our society. Currently, at large, there is a very dark feminine energy that we need to overcome if we truly want to empower the Divine Feminine. Personally, I am all for empowering the Divine and Sacred Feminine and Masculine together in one balanced way forward in love.
Healing Our Self to Expand into Love
A major hurdle in relationships is the unhealed self. A self that is dominated by roles and expectations of friends and family members, and a self that is dominated by relationships proclaiming a false, very false, sense of ownership.
You could live with your family for 20 years, your mother could be proclaiming to have helped you for 30 years and your family in general could actually be what is limiting you from becoming who you came here to be. Now, this does not mean that we all need to go and leave our families. That may be a necessary path for some, yet the point here is that most of us come from families and relationships that would not even allow us to engage in a real ‘Twin Flame’.
These types of unhealed patterns in society, tend to block and ruin true loving relationships from the outside.
Taking Responsibility for Our Heart and Freedom
So what is our goal here? How do we take individual responsibility for our own life and our love life? The point here is, we will not have a healthy ‘Twin Flame’ or ‘Soul Mate’ relationship with all these unhealed patterns dominating us unconsciously as well as subconsciously.
You may be reading this and be strongly and energetically dominated by an unhealed parental influence or have a feeling so strong of obligation to a friend that you subconsciously obey their every command.
Come, let us be free. Let us know the touch and taste of true freedom so that, if these types of partnerships such as a ‘Twin Flame’ exist, we can truly engage them with real love and real freedom. That is what they will need to flourish.
Have You Experienced True Love?
Many years ago, I had the experience of having a wonderful close friend in the mother of my boyfriend at the time. A yoga teacher, artist, someone developing a greater sense of inner Self and someone who valued her time for Self exploration and play. I noticed a wonderful and caring wife and mother in her, and I learned so much through her presence in my life.
There was no part of her ever trying to control or manipulate, and there was no dishonesty to try to make things a certain way. She never gossiped or distorted messages from others. She spoke directly, and if she did not understand something, I observed how she would simply ask the person instead of creating drama. She knew, her children are not her possession and that she is responsible for her own life.
Such a loving presence to all, she is the embodiment of true Divine Feminine Love. The sense of love in this family dynamic is to this day greater than I have experienced before. I consider it a role model of excellence of the heart.
Everything Starts with Honesty
I believe by identifying and being honest about toxic patterns in our lives, that they can be healed and eliminated. I have yet to see something be healed without a person’s direct acknowledgement of having had the thought, action and behavior that created the unhealthy dynamic. This takes a deep level of honesty and commitment to Self growth and healing.
We must proclaim to ourselves that we will not buy the lies from ourselves nor from others. It will take each and every one of us changing old and limiting beliefs and systems in our lives, to create the outer changes needed to improve our love lives and our societies.
Learning to say ‘No’, so We can say ‘Yes’ to Our Hearts
I feel, we have to reach a point where we say no to everything and anything that does not nurture us. This is not a new concept. You will read of it in many self help books. If you spend all your time walking on eggshells to fit into your parent’s unhealed patterns or you walk on eggshells to not trigger your friend, you probably will not experience a healthy romantic and long-term relationship.
Most people are breathing very shallow lives once they hit 30 and they live their lives backwards trying to be the same son, sibling, friend and family member to everyone they grew up with. In some cases, there may be some true desire of the person to not change and grow beyond that point. Yet, that is not evolution nor is it our nature. For most of us, we are constantly growing and evolving, and we must be true to our process.
Now is the Time to Awaken Our Hearts
If you are reading this, and you are wonderful in your Self knowing, that is great. Please share this message with others who are trying to heal.
If you are reading this, and you recognize inner and outer patterns that are keeping you stuck in old and outdated ways that no longer represent who you are today, go ahead and take a deep inhale and exhale, and just let it all go. This is your starting point and this moment is fresh and new. Simply, begin anew.
I have yet to meet a person who is not looking for true, authentic love. Everyone wants it. And let us be very honest here, you will not find it in your parent or your childhood best friend. You find it through allowing yourself to move forward in expansiveness, authenticity, and with an affirmative YES to who you truly are with a strong sense of protecting your consciousness from all that which is NOT who you are.
We are This Love, so What Now?
Even those of us who know we are the love we seek; even for us, we too would love to have that most loving and intimate connection with another person. An intimate and loving relationship with a ‘Soul Mate’ or ‘Twin Flame’ has great value to help us as individuals grow and expand into who we truly are. A true, loving, heart-based, healed and whole ‘love’ can be so valuable when we create a loving space for it to flourish and reveal its gifts.
When looking for a partner and considering someone, a good starting point is to look at their attachments and relationships. Are they needing to live up to the expectations of their parent or child? Are they truly free, and what kinds of relationships do they have in general with their family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances?
If you notice any co-dependency or any overbearing neediness in their relationships, I would suggest starting out as friends only and seeing if they are able to heal lower energy patterns. They might not be who you would like for them to be. But, friendship is always a great way to truly get to know someone.
Love with an Open Heart
The best way to begin a truly loving relationship is from within. Love from an open heart with pure and healed inner space intentions will not only draw forth all you need, but will also heal our world.
The amount of love we can be, give out and share is important for our heart-conscious societies to evolve. Thus, we want to be sure we are not getting entrapped in someone else’s unhealed patterns.
Do ‘Soul Mates’ and ‘Twin Flames’ truly exist? Does it even matter, if we are not doing our own inner work? Does it even matter, if we choose relationships with people who are the provider of emotional and mental stability for others? You get the point, we need to start creating conscious relationships from wholeness. And since we all want love, why not eliminate everything that is not love?
No amount of parental, conditioned love is worth giving up the love of your life, if that person does not meet your parents standards. No amount of friendship is worth it, if you have to walk on eggshells to not trigger them. No job is worth it, if you cannot be your true, authentic Self. We must follow our heart in all matters.
Be Your Self, and Everything will Flower
Make conscious, mind-heart connected choices and take responsibility if you need to walk away from anything at this point. If we cannot be free, then what are we even doing here? It is through this very Soul freedom, that we came here to create and form a new way of living.
Everyone is talking about depression, anxiety, suicide, illness, crimes, etc., and the list goes on and on. They are not the problem. It is that we live in primarily heart-less societies that only want us to produce and to fill our roles like good little children. Well, guess what? You were born free and you are free, and you are here to shine.
Proclaim Now and Forever More:
I am not my parent and I am not responsible for their forgetfulness of their true inner love, freedom and greatness.
I am not my friend and their forgetfulness of how wonderful and beautiful they truly are.
I am not my job with its demands and expectations of me.
I am not a consumer, and I am not even a citizen.
What am I?
That is the multi-trillion dollar question. Only you know the answer for you, but for certain you are love, freedom and unlimited potential. Best you begin to expand into this knowing so that you can begin to live a beautiful, bountiful and loving life of greatness in wealth consciousness.
Now, go inside your Self and when you go out there, be nothing but your Self. Say YES to what excites your Soul, and simply say NO to everything that is NOT you.
You are needed and loved. Let us birth this heart-based society of love, NOW.
Meditate into Your Heart Space Every Day in Every Way
Expand on the inhale and see your Self as unlimited on the exhale. Breathe your dreams into reality.
You are Love.
About the author: Ulonda Faye is a healer and mystic writer of the poetic heart and soul, who has a vision of a heart conscious society, where all unite in universal truth, love and freedom.